Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking in Everyday Life

Black or white. Perfect or worthless. All in or giving up. Sound familiar? I used to see life this way too. When I made one small mistake at work, I felt like a total failure. If I missed a day of exercise, I thought my whole fitness routine was ruined.

But I've learned there's so much life in the middle ground. Today, I want to share some simple ways to break free from all-or-nothing thinking, especially for those of us with neurodivergent minds that tend to think in extremes.

What All-or-Nothing Thinking Looks Like

Sometimes I order takeout instead of cooking the meal I planned. My old brain would say, "Well, you ruined your healthy eating. Might as well order dessert too." My new brain knows that one takeout meal doesn't erase my other healthy choices.

This kind of thinking shows up everywhere:

• Cleaning: "If I can't deep clean the whole house, why bother at all?"

• Work: "If this project isn't perfect, it's terrible."

• Hobbies: "If I'm not the best at it, I shouldn't do it."

• Self-care: "If I can't do my whole routine, I might as well skip it."

Why Our Brains Do This

Our brains like simple answers. Black and white. Yes and no. It feels safer than dealing with maybes and sort-ofs. When you're neurodivergent, this way of thinking can be even stronger because our brains often naturally look for patterns and clear categories.

Growing up, many of us learned that only perfect was good enough. Maybe we got praise for straight As but worry when we got Bs. Or we noticed that people seemed happier with us when we did things "right."

Finding the Gray Areas

I started small. Instead of saying "I always" or "I never," I practiced saying "sometimes" or "often." When I noticed myself thinking in extremes, I'd ask:

• "Is there something in between these two options?"

• "What would I tell a friend in this situation?"

• "What's one tiny step I could take?"

It helps to think about life like a radio dial instead of an on/off switch. There are lots of points between full volume and silence.

Making Peace with Progress

My friend has a great saying: "Done is better than perfect." It took me time to believe this, but it's true. Progress isn't a straight line. It's more like a squiggly path with lots of interesting stops along the way.

Some days I do great with my morning routine. Other days I only manage to brush my teeth. Both kinds of days are okay. The important thing is to keep going without expecting perfection.

Small Steps That Help

These little changes made a big difference for me:

• Writing "and" instead of "but" ("I made a mistake AND I can try again")

• Giving myself permission to do things partway

• Celebrating small wins

• Taking breaks when I need them

When I feel stuck in all-or-nothing thinking, I ask myself: "What's the smallest possible step I could take?" Sometimes it's as simple as drinking a glass of water or sending one email.

Moving Forward

Life isn't about being perfect - it's about being present. Some days will be amazing, others will be hard, and most will be somewhere in between. That's not just okay - it's normal.

Remember: you don't have to fix everything at once. Start with one small change. Notice when you're thinking in extremes. Be gentle with yourself as you practice seeing the in-between spaces.

What's one area where you notice all-or-nothing thinking in your life? Share in the comments if you'd like. Sometimes just naming it helps us see it differently.